


Three Days

by gmw



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, and sorrow, attempted suicide by neglect isnt that helpful kylo, he also realises that shit he has human emotions, he doesnt have the smartest solutions to his problems, hux has to deal with being caring, kylo also cant process emotions well, once again i write about one of them taking care of the other, the guilt of killing solo catches up to kylo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 09:02:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7216150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gmw/pseuds/gmw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taking a life is a weight that can break the strongest of men.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Days

A creature of mystery: a creature surrounded by the deepest fears of man, dancing with grace across scarred skin. Ren was an enigma floating through the ordain of life. Movements, as subtle as they were vehement, radiated burning presence through everything the Knight disturbed. Regularity was a welcomed relief in his absence, a burden removed from failing shoulders, the answer of silent invocations.

They forget, however, that empty beds pose a burden of greater pain.

Kylo was a man who hid behind privacy as if a shield, Hux was well acquainted with this notion; the implications of his truancy were disregarded by Hux originally for this was not a new occurrence.  
Hux had been left previously, whether for missions or meditation it mattered not as, Ren was never truly lost to him.

But time passed.

Biting cold left scornful mocks across Hux’s freckled limbs, small constellations longing to be explored by another, as he lay drowning in cloth. For every moment passing him by, Hux grew to loathe himself more. He loathed the way he couldn’t sleep.  
Sleepless nights were hardly a foreign concept, yet, it was the cause of this newly-founded insomnia that gnawed deep against the core of his being.  
He missed Ren.  
Overwhelmed and dwarfed by the painful isolation of their bed, Hux was reduced to nothing but the shivering shell of a man. Skin prickled with bumps, a physical reminder of the longing he felt for Kylo’s body, taunted his every thought.

Hux had grown attached.

No. Accustomed, he argued. Hux had grown accustomed to Kylo; to his warm arms sliding effortlessly around his waist in desperate attempts of comforting protection; to his steadily strong heartbeat synchronising the breath in Hux’s lungs; to the slight smile that Hux felt playing across his face when impossibly soft raven locks fell upon his bare neck; to Kylo.

Hux was simply accustomed to it all, nothing more.

Three nights, it had been.  
Three nights without Ren beside him, without even a reassurance of presence.  
The chill air and unforgivingly mechanical glow of his quarters were mercilessly ridiculing Hux.  
After three nights Hux resigned and admitted his acclimatisation to Ren demanded satisfaction.

He needed Ren.

Fatigued smothered Hux in relentless fog, yet, having already lost half his allocated time for rest this night alone, he fought it.

Padded feet met cold flooring with shot of uncomfortable awareness; dazed fingers glided over the door release; glazed eyes trailing the abandoned corridors.

Unplanned and unexpected, Hux found himself standing expectantly at the doorway to Ren’s quarters: a familiar journey. A violent hiss introduced the overflowing red illumination of the room. Untouched. Uninhabited. Silently shouting the harsh truth to Hux, his room sold his secrets: Ren had not been inside for days.

A defeated sigh escaped from Hux’s slurring lips, tire making its presence known without mercy.

Exasperated legs carried the General through his ship, trailing the invisible path of Kylo Ren to no avail. Every empty room weighing heavier on Hux’s mind, replacing fatigued inebriation with irritation, until he found himself unwillingly, subconsciously, standing upon the frail durasteel of the only place Kylo was ever going to reside: their balcony. Arguably, it was hardly a balcony, and it certainly wasn’t safe to dwell upon but that was always dismissed. It was their escape, cordoned off from the rest of the Finalizer, from the galaxy, it was always ever only them.

Treading further across the metal floor, Hux caught sight of shadow hanging over a bundle of rags. A slight movement shifted the cloth, disrupting the settled shadowing.

Ren.

Edging closer to the mess of frayed fabric, Hux lowered himself to its level, limber fingers toying with the fringe of a cowl before easing it down.

The deathly face hidden there was of Ren’s.  
Hux thinks.  
Hopes.

The man beneath him was a wreck: half-dead. Resentful tears trailed down sickeningly pale cheeks, matching the concern of near-unnoticeable shallow breathing.

Hux swore under heavy breath, unable to process Kylo’s current state, before reaching for the small square of navy cloth kept constantly in any available pocket. An offering, he presented, holding the fabric out for Ren.  
No movement.  
Hux wasn’t even sure Kylo knew he was there.  
With a sigh dancing through his warm breath, Hux gently raised a hand to Kylo’s sodden face, cradling it in unsure attempts of comfort. Apologetic dabs of cotton dismissed the damp gleam of Ren’s face as Hux cleared the cascading tears from his cheeks and neck.

Ren hadn’t blinked, eyes bloodshot and glassy sinking further into his skull. Raw skin across his nose confirmed that every inch of Kylo was pained.

Cautious words tumbled from Hux’s lips. "How long have you been here?"  
Silence intoxicated the air in place of Kylo’s response, throat torn bare from neglect prevented the sentences pleading to be spoken from leaving his mind.  
That mattered not.

_3 days._

Hux had to reach for the words Kylo was desperately trying to project, too weak to firmly assert their presence. Hux’s heart skipped momentarily as burning panic seared through his core.

"Without food and water?" Tone betraying his facade, Hux found his thumb trailing the peak of Kylo’s cheek.

There was hesitation.

_Yes._

Hux startled backwards, involuntarily.

_I’m fine._

Hux scowled, out of defence rather than malicious intent.

_Leave me._

"To do what, exactly? To die, Ren?"

Silence returned with a cold bitterness.

"Kylo..."

_Go._

"No."

Dullened eyes greeted Hux’s for the first time, slight anger flickering across before being dislodged in favour of sorrow.  
Despite of his current state, tears gathered to gleam across Ren’s lifeless eyes. A pitiful shudder echoed through the crevices of his body in warning of the mournful sob escaping trembling lips a moment later.

Frozen momentarily with unwelcome panic, Hux paused before leaning towards Kylo, reaching to pull his broken body tight to Hux’s chill chest. Uncertain fingers carded through matted hair while others drew excruciatingly perfect circles through the garments on Ren’s back.

Kylo whimpered into Hux’s shoulder, replacing the attempted sob, causing surprise to both that Ren had fluids enough to cry.

“What happened to you?" Gentle mumbles, scared to fracture the stagnant air, formed coherent words on Hux’s behalf.

_Dead._

“Many things are, Kylo, be more specific."

_I killed him._

“Again, many t- oh."

Burrowing further into Hux’s frame, near knocking him flat, Ren attempted to project his conversation. There was naught but an incomprehensible murmur to Hux, the words too weak to hear, to reach for.  
He was losing Kylo.

"I’m taking you to the Med-Bay."

Failed protests were all that represented Kylo’s frail heartbeat.

Breaking away from Ren to stand, leaving him to fall backwards into a heap, Hux hesitantly slid arms under Kylo's knees and shoulders; ignoring the meagre attempts Kylo made to stop him.  
Pacing to the door, Ren mustered strength.

_NO._

Ricocheting throughout the balcony, the slam of the door ceased Hux’s tracks.  
Kylo went limp, breathing even shallower than before.

"This is ridiculous; you'll end up dead." Wavering of uncertainty betrayed Hux in his tone.

_Please don’t._

Hux spoke through a dejected sigh. “Yours or mine?”

_Yo-_

Air of unconsciousness drowned Kylo’s languid body.  
Through panicked mutters, Hux continued the conversation by himself, concern building exponentially swiftly. Dignity refused him to admit it, but his sprinting pace and bloodily bitten lip told all.

Overcoming unplanned trouble unlocking his quarter’s door while holding Ren, Hux proceeded to lay him on their bed with a small exhale of relief.

Trembling fingers found the warmth of Kylo’s neck, desperately searching for a lifeline.  
He was alive.  
For now.

Finding himself in the kitchen, Hux began pouring sachets of powders into liquids filling a considerably sized jug. Hux slowly paced over to Kylo’s bedside, the glass and jug found residence on an adjacent counter. Carefully slipping upon the sheets, he lay against Ren. Unbelieving fingers found solace in the nuances of Kylo’s face, movements gaining force in attempts to wake without harm.

Moments passed, uncaring, Hux growing painfully weary and lost at his failed attempts to return Ren to consciousness. He had only a matter of hours before his presence was demanded upon the bridge: he was exhausted.  
Draping himself across Ren's torso, in reflex, the thick fog of sleep suffocated Hux, filling his lungs.

~

An hour passed before Kylo awoke.  
Paralyzed under unknown conditions, he near-startled, but to false success. Drained and dying, his body was failing, no fluids flowing.

A yawn stirred Hux from slumber, immediately jolting upright once meeting Kylo’s opened eyes, senses clearing.

“Ren.”

Kylo blinked.

Reaching towards the bedside, Hux presented a weighty glass of water to Ren’s cracked lips.  
He winched at the first touch, water like acid burning his ruined throat.  
Awareness of pain dissipated as eagerness overtook at the welcomed liquid.

A shaking hand reached for Hux as the glass was filled once more. The physicality of words abandoning Ren.

_It’s sweet._

“Rehydration fluid: it contains sucrose.” Hux muttered, bringing the second glass to Kylo.

Spite warmed through Kylo, finishing the fluids, he attempted to speak.

“Hux…” A raspy croak shattered the air between them. Kylo flinched in pain.

“Don’t, Ren.”

A shift of the head spoke for a nod.

Hux shifted, seated next to Kylo, fingers entwining.  
“What happened?” He sighed, a free hand trailing across Kylo’s still clothed torso.

_I killed him._

“I know.”

_I… killed him._  
_Didn’t help._  
_Still hurts._  
_Still-_

Kylo faltered, face twitching in attempts to halt tears searing his abused waterline, to no avail.  
Moving to reach for the navy cloth, Hux lightly pawed at the insistent tears.  
Warm hands placed themselves either side of Ren’s shallow face, bringing their foreheads together.

“I’m sorry, Kylo.”

Kylo sobbed, jarring both bodies.

_Why?_

“Why what?”

_Why does it still hurt?_

“I- I don’t know, Kylo. I don’t know.”

_Make it stop._

“I wish I could.”

Smoothing his thumbs over Ren’s sunken cheeks, he placed a lingering kiss upon the warmth of Kylo’s brow.  
“…I wish I could.”

**Author's Note:**

> wow shit ive been away for a long time. im sorry about that, exams are kinda... time consuming. however, i will be returning with more content soon, which i hope you'll enjoy!! i hope you like this drabble, its like, 4am and im very tired, its v v ooc but i wanted to get it out.  
> if you wanna keep up with me, have a chat or even just scream at me about your day, come drop me a message at my [tumblr](http://g-m-w.tumblr.com)  
> 


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